Scrambler

​An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life in America. Live from New York.

An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life New York City.

Biggest Douchebag in China.

Just hit the gym, and in the change rooms ran into the biggest douche bag in China. But it wasn’t just one simple act that won him this prestigious title - it was a litany of fuckbag moves all rolled into one undeniably wanky routine.

Starting move - blowdrying his balls. Fully naked, standing in front of the mirror. DICK move buddy boy - let them air dry like the rest of the humans. He then walked to his locker, and grabbed his iPhone, and proceeded to take close up photos of his face in front of the mirror - smiling, smirking, blowing kisses - TOO HIMSELF.

Then his phone rang - he put that shit ON LOUDSPEAKER, and proceeded to have a conversation at full pitch with a squeaky Chinese hooker (I assume she was a hooker - but boy, she was squeaky. And shrieky. Just as terrible person in general). He laughed regularly, and like a Bond villian - or actually, more like Hank Scorpio. Full on evil laugh, usually followed by Shrieky the Chinese Giggler on the phone.

Then the topper - he sprayed a gallon of cheap aftershave on, and proceeded to style every hair on his head, individually. STILL BUTT NAKED. STILL ON THE PHONE. STILL WITH HAIR DRYER-DRIED BALLS.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winner. Eat a big bag of dicks.