Shanghai vs. Beijing, Part 1 of 223
Welcome to Part 1 of the exclusive and exhaustive DonkeyFire comparison between Shanghai (my new city) and Beijing (my old city). In this first installment, we’ll cover off some of the big ticket points.
Terrible Sports Bars
Beijing is not a great city for live sport in bars, with two main venues dominating (at least in my area): the Den and the Stumble Inn (otherwise known erroneously by Jen as the ‘Slippery Nipple’, for no reason). I spent most of my sports moments at the Stumble Inn, including the Rugby World Cup last year. While both terrible in their own right, Stumble only tends to only be really, out-and-out bad on a big game night: most evenings attract a low key crowd, and the outdoor deck gives the place a nearly-respectable feel.
2 out of 5 Mulroneys (the international standard for rating bad sports bars is a Mulroney, obviously).
Shanghai steps it up BIG TIME with The Camel: a monstrosity of big screens and half wits. DON’T GET ME WRONG: this is an awesome place to watch live sport, and Origin was surprisingly bogan free (although Queensland heavy, which led me to my scoring metric for bad sports bars). With what has to be close to 60 large TVs and 3 huge projection screens, it is a good place for sport. However, an unintentional wander in on Saturday night opened my eyes to the main downside of any sports bar: the weekend warriors. Fueled by cheap piss and the prospect of anything live, these bogans are SICK for being bogans. Avoid unless you are actively trying to watch sport.
5 out of 5 Mulroneys (if he ever visits, he’ll never, ever leave).
Home Delivered Food
This category sees the fledgling KK Rabbit of Beijing up against the behemoth that is Sherpas. Both offer a range of menus and dining locations, but the ability for Sherpas to deliver on time and with the food still warm gives a clear advantage. As does the name, as KK Rabbit makes no sense to me, and is stupid. Also, the Sherpas guys wear uniforms, which is more badass should an actual war between these two food slinging organisations every break out. It’s a clear win for Shanghai.
For the uninitiated, a sweaty party is that moment when a man realizes his balls are swimming in sweat. Beijing and Shanghai are both contenders for International Sweaty Party Location of the Year (with other contenders including Singapore, Hong Kong and Dubai), which requires not only big heat, but relentless heat: that week in, week out feeling of ‘damn, I have sweaty, sweaty balls.’
However, like so many things, choosing a winner comes down to moisture: in this case, airborne moisture known as humidity. Shanghai is RELENTLESSLY humid, to the point that turning up to meetings with massive pit stains is the norm. We are currently experiencing a heat wave, which has pushed the mercury well above 40 for every day I’ve been here. Beijing is HOT AS FUCK, but as old people like to say “IT’S A DRY HEAT.” And it is. Down here is a moist, squirmy, undies-sticking bad boy. It’s another clear win for Shanghai.