​An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life in America. Live from New York.

An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life New York City.

Chicago 2012: A Holi-Conference - Part One.

Welcome to the exclusive DonkeyFire coverage of Chicago 2012: A Holi-Conference (that’s part holiday, part conference for those not living inside my head). Due to a significant amount of time-confusion (in that my brain thinks it’s 8am but reality is 12 hours earlier) today’s update will be in the form of half concocted thoughts.

O’Hare is a pig of a place -we taxied for 50 minutes after landing (that place is enormous), and then queued for over an hour to clear customs. At least I wasn’t a US Citizen: their line was 3-5 hours. Yahtzee.

Running is good for jetlag- I busted out a cheeky 11km after arriving at my hostel, and boy oh boy do I feel better. This run also led to the following thoughts.

The lake run is awesome/only populated by staggeringly good looking people- if you were an alien who wanted to study the fatness of Americans, and you accidentally landed on the lakeshore, you’d by fucking lost. Men and women alike were hilariously, over the top attractive, and I assume they ban the fatties as I saw none. They must be feasting in the suburbs.

Chicago enjoys outdoor, group activities -I saw en masse volleyball, group yoga, rollerhockey and DODGE BALL. Seriously, 15 on 15 fucking dodge ball, in an outdoor arena. It was incredible.

I almost died because of the hairiest man I’ve ever seen- this guy could have platted his back hair, easily. A manforrest of bushiness, my staring led me to almost be killed by a bicyclist.

Riding a motorbike without a helmet is the easiest way to look badass and fucking stupid at the same time.

Vitamin Water is gross- I was handed a freebie to try, and it was literally too sweet to consume. ‘Fiji Apple/Watermelon’ sounds awesome, but I couldn’t drink it: and I’m a guy who puts choc chips into a sweetened condensed milk before gorging myself. The bottle also claimed to contain 87g of caffeine, which seems impossible, or at least really, really bad for you.

Brett arrives tomorrow, and the games really begin. Now I’m off to a bar for food, and to watch LeBron claim his first championship ring, and boo him with the rest of the bar.

BY THE WAY SIDEBAR - Chicago is even more beautiful than I remember.