​An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life in America. Live from New York.

An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life New York City.

Scrambler Tries to Help Kitten, Hilarity Ensues.

Some of you may recall my previous fucking nightmare with cats in Shanghai; well, it seems the feline lords have decided to mess with me again.  This time, a stupid mamma cat has had her stupid kitten in my backyard, and now it's mewling like a little bitch. Constantly, and right outside the window of my spare bedroom, which currently houses my sister. It's horrible.

When I first noticed the high pitched meowing, I went to investigate: HUGE MISTAKE. Mamma cat did NOT appreciate me poking my nose in her business: possibly because I was wearing a lot of fluro shit, having just been running (I probably looked like a poisen arrow frog to her).  As I moved to locate the sound, this cat launched herself at me, hissing and screetching like a psychopath. This was sub ideal, and I reared back like a startled wuss.

After 10 minutes of talking to the mamma cat, trying to encourage her to leave my abode, I realised I'd spend 10 miuntes TALKING TO A FUCKING HISSING CAT. So as she continued to hiss, I took things to dizzing new heights by spraying her with the hose. SECOND HUGE MISTAKE.

She launched herself into my tree, bolted down a branch, and started hissing and spitting at me from about 30 centimetres away, narrowly missing my face with her filthy, Shanghai claws. I freaked at first, but then (remembering I was an apex predator), I calmly sprayed her with the hose again. She retreated (TOP OF THE FOODCHAIN).

However, now I've played myself into a corner. The kitten remains on my lawn, dragging itself around (it appears too young and meek to even stand). The mamma cat, fresh of the most traumatic hose-soaking of her life (which left me relatively dry, despite some splashback), is now perched on the wall, watching me. I've killed the lights, but if mamma cat doesn't come and retrieve baby cat, then I'm going to need to knock it up a notch (BAM!).

UPDATE: Mamma cat has used my blogging time to retrieve said kitten, and is now in the next backyard over. So basically, I can still hear the mewling, but can do nothing about it. So yeah, thoroughly outplayed by a stray. Again.