The Indulgence of Being Negative.
My whole life, people have asked me: where do you get the ENERGY? The energy to be the loudest, craziest, smilingist, silliest, thinkingist and wonderingist person in the room/building/bus/dumpling house/conga line? And all my life, I've simply told the truth: I don't know. NFI.
I have no idea what powers me, but I know it lies pretty deep down, and it's a ball of contradictions. I can happily operate on 4 hours sleep a night for weeks on end, but I can't bring myself to get out of bed if I don't have to. I adore being social, but I deliberately avoid people and situations ALL THE TIME. I need space, I need contact; I need affection and I need to be left alone. Somewhere amongst these masses of push and pull lies the power that helps me annoy/inspire/conspire with those around me.
The reason I bring this up is that this year, I've made a real effort to knock off the wallow. I am a MASTER wallower: give me a long, lazy Friday night, a bottle of red, an ipod and a park, and I will create a FUNK I can barely climb out of. And I'd thought it was this ability to sink to a comfortable, indulgent low that made me swing into energy, a somewhat bi-polar insight. But this year, things are different: things are just making more sense.
Same job, same city, same circumstances to a certain extent. But for whatever reason, things are just...better. And I was reading an article that quoted Terry Pratchett, who said that "Poison goes where poisons welcome". Boy, is that true. Dramatic people attract drama; angry people cause and receive anger, and as it turns out, being outwardly happy and positive has an internal side effect too: you really are happier. So yeah. Food for thought.