Scrambler

​An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life in America. Live from New York.

An Australian Creative Director and Strategist fumbles through life New York City.

Drew Magary Killing It.

It's no secret that I'm a massive Drew Magary fan, but of late he's not really been bringing the noise. Then I tune into this weeks Jambaroo, and BOOM: noise brought. Few cuts: 

"October means the beginning of cricket killing season here on the mean streets of suburban Maryland. I walked into a dark room last night, flipped the switch, and saw a cave cricket the size of a dog (NOTE: size possibly exaggerated!) sitting in the middle of the floor, like an angry parent waiting for a teenager who's stayed out past curfew. I thought it was a piece of lint before the thing did its trademark Berserker Hop and scared me shitless. Then I grabbed a shoe and said, out loud, MOTHERFUCKER I'LL KILL YOU, as if I were facing some Russian supervillain and not a one-ounce, nonvenomous insect. I cornered the thing and smushed it, and then left it because I was too lazy to pick it up and throw it in the toilet. When I came back the next morning, the cricket was GONE. Zombie cricket. Every year, THE GAME GETS MORE FIERCE." 

... 

"I watched an episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown a week or two ago where Bourdain flies to Copenhagen to eat at Noma, which is considered the best restaurant in the world and serves all kind of crazy shit like reindeer moss and filet of venus flytrap and shit. And of course it all looked fantastic—food cooked with impossible thought and precision. They even showed a food lab where they aged food and created BOLD FLAVORS by doing crazy shit like letting a hunk of bacon sit in a jar of pickled moose blood for 88 days and what not.

And as I was watching this show and watching Bourdain salivate over chef René Redzepi's food, I thought to myself: Hey, shouldn't that crazy chef be inventing the flying car? I'm all for food. Don't get me wrong. I love it. But it seems like there is now a worldwide surplus of brilliant maniacs who have elected to spend their entire lives mastering the art of cheese marbling. We don't need this many brilliant chefs. The infrastructure of America is falling apart while half of all brilliant college graduates are searching for the perfect lamb slider recipe. OUR QUEST FOR DELICIOUSNESS HAS GONE TOO FAR. One of these artisan butter churners could be engineering the hyperloop, dammit."