China. Oh, China.
OK, full disclosure, I've been really sick today, which makes you feel exhausted (WOO VOMIT) and, in turn, depressed. But for the first time since I got here, I've begun contemplating my next move seriously, and with my whole heart.
Back home or onward, there is no dodging the bullet that I must go. Not tomorrow, nor the day after that, but soon. For the first time, I'm realising I'm way closer to the end of this move than then beginning.
It's reflected by the rising anger, the frustration, the drinking, the smoking, the longer days at work, the lonely days at home. The fact that this isn't sustainable, and that life as a single, non-Mandarin speaking man living in China is just not that easy. The fact that the good bits are no longer outweighing the tough bits.
Don't get me wrong, the good bits can be intoxicating, and the highs feel incredible - having great friends is a big part of that. But when the lows start stacking up, you have to ask yourself: is this what I want with my life?
And my answer is no: this has been great, but the next big adventure awaits. Time to start the planning.